No no no no no! (yesyesyesyesyes!)

Have you ever screamed out in defiance or feigned annoyance at something that you secretly really, really, really want?

Mea culpa.

I always do it, I am the ultimate fan of contradictory, reverse psychology. When it gets me what I want, I feel like superwoman. 'Ha!', I think, 'I've outsmarted you!'.

Its always useful, especially if you frequently have to compete with your sister for some item of clothing that you both want to wear on the same night. Usually, TADA! it works, and she leaves it in her closet and goes out in another outfit.

But every now and then, and almost always where J, my boyfriend is concerned, it backfires, leaving me with exactly what i do not want. Sometimes I blame it on myself, why can't I just tell him straight out what I want, I chastise myself. Mostly though, I blame it on his stupid boy logic.

Boys, I've gathered, are not very smart when it comes to reading in between the lines. My interaction with the male species so far, whether young or old, has led me to the conclusion that they are entirely incapable of subtleties.

When J asks me: 'Honey, what time d'ya want to meet up? ', the usual answer would be: 'Uhmm, I don't mind, what time's good for you? I mean, maybe we could possibly meet up earlier today? If you're free?'. J then goes: 'So you want to meet up earlier today?'. N: 'Well, I don't mind. Only if you want to, and if you're not busy.'

Bear in mind that while this dialogue is playing out, the dialogue in my head (yes, there are two voices in my head) is going something like this: YESYESYESYESYES, I want to meet up early, yes please, I've missed you so much, I can't wait to see you. Should I just tell him that I want to meet up early? Nahh, you'll sound wayyyy too eager. But what if he doesn't get it??

And, alas, he never gets it.

J: Well, if you don't really mind, How 'bout we just meet up normal time instead of earlier?

N: Ehrm, yeah sure...

J: You sure you don't mind? 'Cause if you want...

N: Of course not! Whatever time is good with me! I mean... if you want to meet up earlier...we could spend more time together...but only if you want to...

J: Well, lets just meet up normal time, okay?

N: Uhh, yeah, sure...bye then!

By this time, I am cursing his slow, dim-witted boy-ness and swearing at him in four different languages inside my head. As an added bonus, I am in a surly, cranky, don't-talk-to-me-or-I'll-tell-you-to-fuck-off mood for the rest of the day.

And now, I'm sitting here writing this, hating myself, because my sister has just bullied J into meeting me at 6pm instead of 7, because she wanted me to leave the house with her so she doesn't have to take the bus alone. She did this by stealing my cell phone and calling him up.

Now, I could've let this state of affairs continue, and I could've met him at 6, which is exactly what i want, having only seen him two times (which translates into a little less than six hours) in the past fortnight. But nooo, I had to call him up and tell him that 'Hey, so sorry! That was my sister, you don't have to meet me early, whatever time is good with me!'

So now, I am killing time blogging before I meet him.

At 7pm.

Fuck you J, why can't you just meet me early for once? Why do you think I bring up 'maybe possibly meeting up early' every. Single. Time?? Hmmm? I know this is all very immature, but I get this feeling where its like: Fuck you, Now that we don't have school, 3 hours on a Friday night is all that you can spare for me? Fuck. You.

Angry, frustrated,
N.